Of course, this all begs the question: Is the eroticization of Fivey in earnest, or is it simply an ironic outgrowth of our collective election anxieties? The answer, says Ana Valens, a furry and fandom reporter for the website the Daily Dot, is both. (It’s also worth noting, as Rolling Stone reported from the furry con MidWest FurFest in 2019, foxes are a common selection for fursonas, a term for furries’ fluffy or feathered alter egos).
Rule 34 of the internet dictates that if something exists, porn will be made of it this is particularly true in the furry community, the progenitor of much of the extant Fivey porn. To an extent, the eroticization of Fivey was something of an inevitability. There is also a subreddit devoted to Fivey porn, r/fivethirtyfour, though as of press time it only has about four members. On the subreddit r/ImSorryNate, a consortium of Fivey-centric memes, there is Fivey diaper porn as well as Fivey vore, a fetish that involves the eroticization of giants consuming people (in this case, Fivey is depicted eating ballots). “I personally prefer drawing more obscure or overlooked characters, so as soon as FiveThirtyEight introduced Fivey Fox back in August, I hurriedly started drawing the way other furry artists might after Nintendo unveils a new Pokemon.” “There’s something of a tradition for furries online to be very open about their crushes on corporate mascots…and this extends to making erotic fan art,” says the NSFW artist behind the drawing. An (obviously NSFW) cartoon of an erect Fivey, with the caption “I’m horny for statistics! Wanna see the results of my poll?” got a few hundred retweets shortly after Fivey’s debut last August. Perhaps unsurprisingly, there is also a growing library of Fivey porn. 2Liberal4You?| Not Me, Among Us = Healthcare Pls August 15, 2020 “You come back out of that hole, you cutie! WE WANT MORE FIVEY!” says one reply to Fivey’s entreaty to vote another less delicately requests “pics of foxhole.” It’s worth noting that contrary to most media coverage, not everyone in the community is actually sexually attracted to cartoon mammals yet the reaction to Fivey specifically is not unlike that of Tony the Tiger, another beloved russet-hued mammal who warranted a great deal of X-rated thirst within a certain segment of the furry community. On social media, he has amassed something of a following within the furry fandom, a community made up of people with an affinity for anthropomorphized animals. The most important thing you need to know about Fivey, however, is that he is unspeakably hot, at least if the replies to his Twitter account (where he has amassed a little more than 7,000 followers) are any indication. He’s bookish and unassuming, more of a John Mulaney-type sex-symbol than a Pete Davidson, and he wears Buddy Holly-esque Coke-bottle spectacles, presumably as an aesthetic choice meant to connote wonkishness rather than for actual pragmatic reasons (foxes have notoriously good eyesight). Here is what you need to know about Fivey: he officially debuted last summer as part of FiveThirtyEight’s 2020 election forecast rollout. And some of us - dare I say, the more psychologically well-adjusted among us? - are eroticizing Fivey, the vulpine mascot of Nate Silver’s wonk blog, FiveThirtyEight. Some of us have taped a bottle of Chateau Diana to our sweaty paws and started drinking ourselves into a stupor. Some of us are buying out shelves of Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food.
Some of us are scheduling calls with our therapists. We all deal with election-related stress in different ways.